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Signs You're A Fundamentalist Christian

You think God hates all the same people you do.

You believe God is an all-good being who loves everyone, but sends certain people to be tortured for eternity.

You claim that God exists because it says so in the bible, and the bible is true because God wrote it.

You are against teenagers having access to contraception, but you can't figure out why the teenage pregnancy rate is so high.

You claim that you're a sinner because the bible says that all men are, but you know that you are definitely going to heaven.

You believe that if evolution is somehow proved false, then biblical creationism is true by default.

You believe that freedom of religion as guaranteed in the First Amendment only pertains to Christians.

You think that gay marriage is a threat to traditional marriage between a man & woman, but say nothing about high divorce rates, quickie Vegas marriages, abusive marriages, or hastily arranged shotgun marriages.

You belong to a roughly 80% majority in the United States, yet you claim to be persecuted by non-Christians.

You claim that the universe had to have been created because everything has to have a creator, but then claim that God always existed.

You think it's OK to put Christian monuments on public property, but get upset when Muslims build a cultural center with a prayer room on land they personally own two blocks from where the WTC stood.

You claim that there shouldn't be any separation of church and state, but are perfectly happy that churches continue to have tax-free status.

You claim that atheists are evil, immoral people, but ignore the fact that atheists only make up less than 1% of the prison population while Christians make up the majority.

You claim that Intelligent Design isn't a religious view, but of course believe that the designer is the Judeo-Christian god.

You claim that you want to stop abortions from occurring, but are against people having easy access to contraception which would prevent the pregnancies in the first place.

You claim that billboards promoting atheism are a terrible affront to Christians, but it's perfectly OK to put up billboards promoting Christianity all over the country.

You believe that the founding fathers were Christians so all Americans should be also, but conveniently ignore the fact that many of them owned slaves.

You call Islam a violent religion, but conveniently ignore Christianity's own violent past of the Crusades, Inquisitions, witch burnings, Sectarian violence in Northern Ireland, abortion clinic bombings, and current Christian militant groups like the Army of God, Hutarees, and various Christian Identity Militias.

You claim to follow Jesus' teachings, but ignore the parts about loving thy enemy, turning the other cheek, and selling everything you have and giving the money to the poor.

You claim that there is a lot of evidence to support Intelligent Design but your arguments always consist of bible verses or attacking evolution.

You sneak your daughter in the back door of an abortion clinic so your pro-life friends out front won't see you, and then join them in protesting the next day.

You believe that how and with whom everyone has sex is your personal business.

You are in favor of banning abortions but refuse to adopt any of the children women would be forced to have.

You promote adoption over abortion, but are against allowing gay couples to adopt children.

You believe that God gave man free will, but we have to follow a strict set of rules he created in order to avoid eternal torture in Hell.

Publicly you decry people who shoot abortion doctors, but privately you're happy it happens.

You believe that God created the vast, entire universe will billions of stars and untold number of planets, yet he is overly concerned with what people on a tiny planet on the edge of the Milky Way are doing.

You claim that the bible is totally inerrant and true, but ignore the parts about a talking snake, where it says that bats are birds, insects have four legs, a flat earth, a firmament in the sky, and an impossible global flood.

You believe that Jesus is returning to earth any day now, even though Jesus said in the bible that nobody will know when he returns.

You believe that if you were present when Jesus said, “Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone,” you'd have been justified in throwing a rock.

You believe that the earth was created 6,000 years ago, but ignore the fact that ancient civilizations existed long before that.

You claim that the mind of God is unknowable, but you seem to know everything God likes and dislikes.

You state that the universe couldn't have been created from nothing, but you believe that God created the universe from nothing.

You claim that homosexuality is an abomination to God because it says so in Leviticus, but you ignore the other Levitical "abominations" such as eating shellfish, wearing clothes of mixed fibers, working on the Sabbath, eating meat and dairy products together, or touching a menstruating woman.

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