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Questions That Haunt Me
If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box ?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby " when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat ?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your BUTT?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Some of those are smile-inducing. Smile
Damn you for making me sing 'Twinkle twinkle little star' to myself and then catching me at it.Rofl
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." - George Santayana
Doubting Thomas
Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?

Why do we cook bacon, but bake cookies?
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you.
Bob of QF
If I take a pair of scissors, and cut a pair of pants in 1/2...

... and I throw away 1/2...

... will what I have left be considered a pant?


Christians have been saying that Jesus is coming soon.

They have been saying this, for well over 2000 years.

I suppose, this could qualify as the longest running orgasim in all the history of the world.

Of course, that's to be expected: Jesus was such a showoff-- what with the water-to-wine trick, and all that skippin' and jumpin' on the water and shit.

It's no wonder they killed his ass.


I don't know about you? But the next time I fly in an airplane? I think I'll get in the plane, not on it. These things fly at 10,000 feet, and you'll freeze your ass off, if you try riding on the damn thing.

And when did stewardess and stewards become flight attendants? Are they somehow helping the plane to fly? No! They bring the frickin' minature packets of stale nuts (you know-- the ones with roughly 5 1/2 peanuts each, that a starving squirrel would refuse on the grounds that it's insulting) and those tiny 1/2 cans of soda.

I know why they only bring 1/2 cans-- do you? If they brought everyone full cans of soda, the frikkin' bathrooms would fill up with pee before the plane took off.


We (as a species) have managed to fly people to the moon and back. But we apparently cannot build an airplane that is immune from the effects of a 300 miliwatt cell phone.


Someday, in the future, people will wonder why they "dial" a call by telling the smartphone embedded in their left mastoid, who they wish to call.

And these people will look on the internet for the origin of the word "dial" and they will find that "dial" refers to some ancient short commercials from the age of 2D television [way back, to before direct brain programming], about a brand of something called 'soap' that also fought the mysterious ailments called 'perspiration' and 'odor'.

And these people will be confused, wondering what the hell making a phone call had to do with ancient, barbaric bodily functions, long since made obsolete by virtual reality and virtual relationships.

And they will correctly conclude that the people of the 21st century were nuts.

But for all the wrong reasons...
Edited by Bob of QF on 10/15/2010 23:57
Quantum Junction: Use both lanes

Reality is that which is left, after you stop believing.
I know what a dial phone is because one is actually my primary phone. I do have a touch tone to use when absolutely necessary like spending hours getting through the stupid automatic customer service systems that don't want you to explain your problem to a real person.
I am so confused now.
I'll drink to that. Or anything else for that matter.
seeker wrote:
Damn you for making me sing 'Twinkle twinkle little star' to myself and then catching me at it.Rofl

Hee hee, made you sing silly songs. Cheer

DT and Bob - lol.

John - my great grandmother refused to use dial telephones - they freaked her out. She was accustomed to a phone they just picked up and asked the operator to put them through to whomever they wanted to speak to. Someone else always had to dial the phone for her, and it ticked her off if we tried to get her to do it herself.

Later, after she was gone and we got touch tone phones, I always wondered what she would have thought about that. I have a very good idea what she would have thought.

Now I frequently reflect back to the days when we always dialed our calls, and practically no one had answering machines yet. We took the time to dial every call, and if the line was busy, we tried again later. I think most of us had a lot more patience back then (and more free time, too). Now we have all these ways to get in touch with people, and if someone is unavailable many are in a tizzy wondering why it's so 'hard' or taking so long to reach who they want to talk with.

So much for patience.
Doubting Thomas
Yeah I remember as a kid having rotary dial phones. And we didn't have touch-tone in our area probably until the mid-80's (small town). And of course back then you had to be rich to own a car phone. And they were car phones, too, none of this handheld phone business unless it was one of those Motorola bricks.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you.
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