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The Nexus...
cheshiredragon
AtheistNexus . com to be exact. Has anyone gone here? Before I came back officially I decided to go here since it was extremely active. I met some kewl people there and many are very tolerant of each other. However, there was one thing I noticed. Many of them were down right assholes. Almost christian like.
I'll explain: If you said something that they didn't agree with, it wasn't a friendly debate like we have here. Here we talk to each other and explain why we have a certain view. The Mac/PC debate that Bob and I were having is a perfect example of that. If that were two other people on AtheistNexus. The debate would have been a fight and the attitude would have been "You don't agree with me so yer STUPID!!" It's quite disturbing. There was a thread that someone started about the Wall Street Protests and that turned into a raging firestorm because people were giving their side as to why they support it and others were bashing them hardcore because they didn't. It turned extremely immature, fast and built up some 150pages in about 2weeks.

There was another lady there that joined the last few days I was there and she was the main reason I left. She is 62, lives in Germany and has no kids or ever been married. Her first post was about finding a 'mindmate' not a 'soulmate' because we don't have souls. She was asking if anyone had a brother, friend, neighbor someone that was around here age 55-65 that had no kids, is atheist DUH and went into GREAT detail! I was thinking that it was a very demanding and specific list.
If you don't care to read it, just skip down to the second set of dashes....

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Not having found a compatible partner in spite of my active searching I decided to try a different approach. I have looked at many profiles on dating sites and I have not found someone reciprocally compatible.
I am not writing this asking for any advice telling me to modify my search criteria or to change my profile. At the age of 62, I know exactly, who I am, what I need and whom I am looking for. (Anybody reacting with attacks, insults or ridicule wastes his time.)

I am asking your support to find my mindmate or to make him find me. Any of you reading this could know someone personally in your own social environment, who would be my match. He could be your brother, cousin, uncle, friend, buddy, neighbour or colleague. Maybe you do care enough for him to help him find me.

My mindmate to be found is as rare and different as I am myself. I suspect that he is probably disheartened and has resigned from active search after having lost hope. He could be anywhere, living as a recluse and a maverick in his own world. Maybe he has not even a profile on any dating site, because he has given up searching as an hopeless endeavor in spite of craving for a woman like me. This could be the reason, why I cannot find him myself, not matter how hard I try.

Some basics:
He is between about 58 and 68.
He is like me an atheist, skeptic, complete non-believer and has at least a college degree. This is why I am looking for a mindmate and not for a soulmate. Atheists do not have souls.
He is like me childFREE. That means, he never has procreated, he has no children of any age or whereabouts.
This makes him statistically rare.

I am not like other women, who by instinct want a provider, who is tall, strong, rich and a stud. These kind of men are the majority and easy to find. Their frequent success as predators gives them enough confidence to initiate contact. They do not attract me.

But there are other men, those who are small, poor, shy intellectuals, who are not drooling over every woman's body. Especially those, who are sensitive and affectionate and have a tendency towards psychological androgynity, are also non-promiscuous, innately monogamous, attracted to a woman's mind and brain and not easily infatuated by a body. They are those, who are not only able, but craving to be committed and bonded.
Such men are a very precious minority. Yet some of them unfortunately get rejected too often, until they lose hope and withdraw. He is the nice guy, who is mistaken to believe that only PUAs (pick-up-ANIMALS) have success with women. But he is too decent and morally above them and does not even consider to sink as low as they are. Such a man is very welcome to me.

I am not interested at all in a man's ability to spend money on me. If he has enough money to live frugally by himself, he has enough money to share a frugal life together. Living together reduces expenses. All I expect is that he has no debts. I am not rich, but just not interested in luxuries. I am looking for a close relationship of two equal partners, and that means sharing egalitarian frugality and not a man buying a woman's services.

Even though a man's height is of no importance, I feel very comfortable, when I at my own 5'4 can look into a man's eyes without looking up. I value intelligence much more than muscles.

My search is based upon a very rational approach. There are millions of men on this globe, with whom I have at least one language in common. At least one, maybe a few of them are really compatible and suitable as my mindmate. Therefore my search is worldwide (I am in Germany). In the times of emails, internet telephone and air travel, geographical distance is much easier to overcome than mental distance.

It is wise to be selective and to make a careful choice of someone really acceptable and suitable. It is foolish to attempt to compromise with someone, just because he is easily available, and lateron feel tempted to change each other, as soon as the compromise becomes unbearable after the infatuation has worn off.
Unfortunately many men seem to be caught in a mental trap. As long as they hope to find someone, they restrict their search to someone near them, and when this fails, they give up instead of searching world wide.

Therefore, if you know a man, who could be my mindmate, please tell him to read my blog about the 'egalitarian rational commitment paradigm', which can be found by googling this or in my profile.
In this blog I am telling all about my idea of what kind of a relationship I am looking for, based upon evolutionary psychology. I started the blog hoping that my mindmate to be found would stumble upon it in a google search. So far, this has not happened even after having written more than 400 entries.

If you do not know personally someone for me, do you have any web page or blog, where you could give publicity to my search by adding the link to my blog?
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Good luck to that whacko basket. Then it got weird. She put up another post with the title of "I am not Maude.' I though that's a weird title and not even close to her name so I decided to read. wow, Now I know why she is 62 and never been married or had kids. She is a fscking cunt and I am being nice. I am sure this thread started because younger people started friending her. She stated in that thread(I can't find it for the lie of me!) that if you are not around my age then I do not want to be your friend. I have no kids or grandkids and do not wish to speak with you if I am old enough to be your mother. I thought weeeeell....have fun dying alone. A few days later someone joined and just laid into the forum with a thread that pretty much said what I was thinking about saying, but they did it with a bunch more skill and tact than I would have been able to.

Anyway, just wanted to say I am glad to be back here not only with my fellow atheists, but with intelligent folks who can have intelligent conversations and debate without the "Yer stupid cause you dont agree with me" attitude.
That's right, I said it...
 
seeker
Unfortunately there are a lot of people who think that the anonymity of the internet means that they no longer need to have any manners at all. Throw in some youthful rebellion and add in the fact that calling yourself an atheist is a great way to disturb your christian parents and you get Atheist Nexus.
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." - George Santayana
 
Bob of QF
I have an account on AtheistNexus, but I haven't gone there in over a year.

I was mildly active on some of the ex-christian threads, and ex-evangelical ones, but as the distance between now and my former funnymentalist status grows, I find I have less and less to say about then; I'd rather talk about now. So I quit opening that link more and more.

I spend most of my on-line chatter over on Topix, where there is a robust mix from pure-D assholes right on up to literate and sophisticated commentary. And a great deal in-between.

The key with Topix, I've found? Is to ignore-ignore-ignore most of the sh1t, and concentrate on what either amuses you, or strikes your fancy, or gets your attention.

But yeah, I know what you mean by playground brawls, with "yer an idiot" and "no, yer are" and other silliness.

As seeker said? Hiding behind a fake name or nome de plume seems to dis-inhibit the asshole that normally lurks in the background of many folk.
Quantum Junction: Use both lanes

Reality is that which is left, after you stop believing.
 
Hypatia
I've had an account/profile at AN for a long time but don't even remember the last time I visited the site. I just never have been able to get into the 'atmosphere' or feel of AN - just never has felt comfortable or anything even close to the 'homey' and laid back feel we have here.
 
Theory_Execution
I think you are being a cruel bastard there Chesh, it's a woman that knows what she wants and is going out and asking for it - people should be encouraged to do this instead of hiding behind social norms of hiding intent, and playing the happy face.

If she finds it disheartening/boring/troublesome to speak to those younger than her, why do you not respect her choice and let her at it? She may have phrased it in a curt way, but still her choice.

I suspect that he is probably disheartened and has resigned from active search after having lost hope.


I know this feeling and im 24! But a lot of the time, I just think I am single because I am a boring cunt.
 
cheshiredragon
I think you missed my point, T_E. I don't think she is wrong for looking and being specific. I commend her for being 62 and still trying. I am 31, been single for 6yrs and have given up my search. I have tried to live content knowing that I will be single the rest of my days. It wasn't the first thread she posted that irritated me. It was the threads after this about how she wanted to only talk to people her age on the site. I think she deleted the thread because I can find every other thread she has created except that one. It was just a really mean thread. I wish I could find it so you could see the hatred.
That's right, I said it...
 
Theory_Execution
Good luck to that whacko basket.


Well that line coloured my opinion of your opinion of her, and from what you linked I couldn't see it as justified.

So I will have to take your word for it on the other bits.
 
catman
I read what she said and think I'm in love.Flail Actually, much of it made sense to me, although I think she is overly specific about what she requires.
 
Theory_Execution
She has had her time to decide though, she may have been in relationships that just didn't work for specific reasons.

I just need to figure out how to break boredom.
 
cheshiredragon
I agree it makes sense, but she is too critical. I am the same way. About 5-6yrs ago after I broke up with my son's mother someone told me that I am not going to find the perfect person for me, there are going to always be minor things that are going to bug each other and I am going to have to just ignore those and be happy with what I have. As you can see it is 6yrs later, I am still single and instead of going to dozens of sites looking for my perfect love, I save everyone the trouble and give up.
My phrase that you quoted on what I said being a "wacko basket" was painted more from later posts that I saw. It wasn't that post entirely. It is just that I posted this later, after several of her posts and made my decision of her being that way. If you have seen the post she made about younger people friending her, she really laid into them only because they were younger than her specified age(IT'S NOT A FUCKING DATING SITE!!!) and that is why I finally labeled her a fucking cunt. I can't find the post so I think she realized that she was being that way and possibly deleted it.
That's right, I said it...
 
catman
Like I said, she was "overly specific". Almost no one would perfectly fit such a detailed set of specifications. The fact that she was so specific leads me to believe that she would also be nearly impossible to live with. BTW, I have given up looking as well.
 
Theory_Execution
Well what a depressing bunch of arseholes we are.

I have often thought about the following: Given the choice, would you pick intelligence (but physically unattractive) over beauty (but stupid)?

Which reminds me, a gypsy woman once granted me a wish, she said 'You may have a brilliant memory, or a big dick'... I don't recall my answer.
 
seeker
TE - So are you telling us you don't remember voting for David Cameron.
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." - George Santayana
 
Theory_Execution
I didn't vote in that election, haven't voted since my first ever vote (18). I was sickened by the fact that, due to having a single day for voting and poor organisation on the day, a few thousand people were unable to vote.

It is not a big number compared to the total number elligible to vote, but this is the twentieth century (Pfft) we should be able to create a system in which everyone who can is able to vote.
 
cheshiredragon
That is funny T_E, I will have to remember that for later.
As for the dating, I think that is my problem too. I am bored, so all i really do os sit at home, drink and get fat. sporting 232LBs now. I think a few years ago when I met Catman and Raven for lunch one day, I was around 170s. of course, after I met them I dropped to 160 and then shot back up to this reckless 232 within a year. School starts back up in January, so I will have no time to drink or eat and should lose the lot of it by next Summer.
Dont get me started on voting. I never even registered to vote. i am not smart enough for politics, or i just dont care, but I never wanted to be one of the people who voted, *put favorite dumb ass politician here* to office.
That's right, I said it...
 
catman
CD: Yes, I remember that lunch day. It was highly enjoyable. What became of Raven, anyway? I've probably gained a bit of weight since then as well, although this shingles crap has caused me to drop about ten pounds. It wasn't worth it.

I think that two people can be too much alike; it can be boring. I don't think two people having everything in common is as important as having the ability to 'agree to disagree', having tolerance for differing viewpoints. The German woman referred to earlier apparently has little of that.
 
cheshiredragon
Her an Hypatia had a spat of some sort and she left. You know the women folk are always at each others neck for some reason or another. I don't get it. Us guys get along rather well yet women don't get along with other women. At least that has been my experiences. Anyway, I had a myspace acct for a short lived while and that was a few years ago. I have no idea where she is now. I am sure doing the same old thing as before.

I had to google shingles because I had only heard of it once before. DAMN! Here is hoping to a quick recovery, that is a nasty virus :/ you should google it too and check out some of the home remedies that are available that might help reduce the discomfort.

I have to agree with you being too much alike. About 6 or so years ago after my son's mother and I broke up I met this girl from work and we started to hang out quite a bit. I always wanted a nerd girl and it was a lesson learned in 'be careful what you wish for terms' as she turned out to be pretty wacky. I simply now wish for someone smart enough to have good conversations with. It happened last October and how we me couldn't have been more weird. I wan't even looking. We started hanging out, she is a Pediatric Nurse and loved to play video games. Very sweet, but a simple misunderstanding over text and by mid-Jan she was gone. I still miss her, but I blame her for the misunderstanding. It's amazing how someone can just leave like she did. She didn't even take her chair, the video game I bought for her and her pillows. I don't think it would have worked out in the long run though...she had issues and was taking Effexor.

I think it is the same with that lady. Quite possibly too demanding and probably looked at every tiny aspect of the relationship and nit picked at everything.
That's right, I said it...
 
Theory_Execution
Im around 200LB at the moment, 6'4" so in the green on the BMI. I cycle 16miles a day... and I dont drink as much as I used to.

I do however, eat like a beast. I worked out that the cycling will make me need an extra day and a half of energy based on the Recommended Daily amount that the government released over here... problem is I dont monitor my food, iv just convinced myself I need to eat more.

So started to build up a gut as cycling was my only exercise, but I just got myself a weights bench to keep it off.

A medical student I know has pointed out that muscle mass is good for burning calories, even when you are at rest. So working your powerful muscles every few days will help.
 
cheshiredragon
Yeah, I definitely need to get on some sort of diet plan. at 6'4" and 200 that is perfect height/weight ratio. I am 5'7" at 232 *dies* not only am I fat, but I LOOK FAT too. I just saw a picture of me holding my son when he was barely a year old and I was freakin thin! I even showed a picture to a few friends at work and they could only say "wooow!" and then look back at me. I could see behind their eyes saying "you fat son of a bitch" hahahah
It doesn't bother me because I know I can get back down to 160s. I just have to discipline myself and do it. I hate going to a gym and not sure I want to ride around on a bike. I could get a treadmill and yes I would use it because I could jog while watching football or other TV shows. I am just concerned about the power consumption. I guess it is time to hit up craigslist
That's right, I said it...
 
Theory_Execution
This dieting thing can be dangerous, people look to do one of two things, starve themselves or replace their usual foods with low taste options. You should not really be eating something if you dont enjoy it, because you will just enshrine hatred of the diet in your mind and it becomes counterintuitive...

Saying that, I have never really had a terrible diet, my mom was a cook and meals were balanced at home - one of my favourite meals was a head of lettuce, cucumber, tin of tuna, few hundred grams of choice cheddar, spring onion and a few other things. Not had that in a while though, I am really into boiled mushrooms at the moment.

My uncle was a marathon runner for years, he now has problems with his ankles, so sustained compact on the joints isnt good in my opinion - cycling doesn't do that - but I have been hit by a car... so it has its risks.

I went to a small gym for a couple of months (to do legs as we had weights in the house I shared) but that can get boring.

Swimming was good.

There are bicyles you can hook up to power stuff, so you could make electricity while you improve your general health.
 
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