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Death in the Family
I came across this yesterday.

I believe I have related here before that I came close to killing my mother. I had watched her devolve from someone who understood she knew me but did not know why, to someone who thought they might know me, to someone who did not even know there was someone there to visit her. It was most painful. I am still ashamed I did not kill her. Kissing the lips of her body, which looked much more like the woman I had known my whole life than the thing that had existed the last 2-3 years, was a relief.

I have directed my children to take me onto a specific glacier in Yosemite Park and strip me of my clothes and abandon me. I do not think they have the courage to do so and my wife reminds me that is asking more of them than I should.

Why are americans so squeamish about ending the lives of those who have outlived life. Those in pain, those who no longer understand what is going on, people at the end of their life should be allowed to die with some level of dignity. Not suffering more than they should and not spending years in an institution shitting in their pants.

There should be some way that persons can make end of life instructions that can be carried out under appropriate circumstances.

I personally prefer the idea of being given a lethal dose of heroin and left to the vultures but that is my weirdness. Actually the idea of being left on the glacier makes me a little cold right now.
Some of it is probably religious but I suspect a lot of it is just about not being able to let go of someone you love even when they are really no longer that person. I have a friend who went through a messy divorce over a year ago and she still can''t understand that the guy she was married to was never really who she thought he was. She keeps expecting him to go back to being the guy she fell in love with and he keeps disappointing her.

When you think about it the notion that what makes a person's personality unique is really just a few accidental combinations of chemicals stimulating particular parts of the brain in particular ways is a difficult one to fully internalize. We really don't like the notion that things like age, infirmity, or injury could so fundamentally change us yet it does happen.
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." - George Santayana
I have often said that I want to go at 60. This may be revised in the next 20 years, but at the moment I think that is a good age - still pretty mobile, most of your friends will still be alive - you will still be needed in a work environment.

I fear becoming weak and a burden on others.
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